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Intimacy | The Balanced Mom Magazine

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by Dr. Ashley Arn, PsyD

As a Mompreneur myself, I totally understand how crazy busy life is ALL the time. Unfortunately, this usually means that we don’t spend very much time with our partners. The biggest complaint I hear from friends and clients is “We don’t have any time to spend together.” None of the people in my life are lying about this. As a Mompreneur, it is so insanely easy to get caught up in the constant chatter that we hear about what we “should” be doing with our partners, children, and business. Mompreneurs are taught to feel guilty about devoting any of their time and energy to their busi- nesses, thus taking time away from their families. The reality is that trying to be everyone’s hero only leaves you sad, unfulfilled, lost, and lonely.

Here’s the good news. With a few minor changes, you can have a successful career AND a passionate, fulfilling love life with your partner. Here are a few quick and easy tips to help you keep the fire burning in your relationship.

The majority of us have the most time to spend with our partner at night. The morning is usually riddled with rushing around trying to get ready for the day, get everyone fed, and make sure everyone has what they need for the day. Then it is off to the races, right? The day tends to fly by, often times without any communication with our partner other than “What’s for dinner?”, “Can you pick up the dry cleaning on your way home?” and other various conversations about chores or the kids. So, here’s the first easy tip: change the Nature of Your Daily communication with Your Partner through text messages.

From this point forward, ban mundane text messages like “How are you?” and any chore or kid related texts from your relationship with your partner. If you need to discuss these things, do it over the phone or through email. Going forward, choose to send only purposeful, passionate texts. Why? Because this is the one way that you can easily stay connected to your partner in a more intimate way throughout the day.

So, what is a purposeful, passionate text? Take a moment to think about something that your partner does on a daily basis that you really appreciate. It’s very easy in our daily grind to forget to show our partner appreciation for the things that they do. My husband empties the cat box every day (Ew, gross!) because he knows that I hate to do it and that I really appreciate it when he takes care of that for me.

I show him my appreciation of this by sending him a text like, “Babe, thank you so much for always emptying the stinky cat box. You are the best husband!” Now, this may seem like something small, but if he is having a rough day, he can read over this text relentlessly to remind himself of how I appreciate him.

If you want to take it one step further, you can even send spicy texts. You could start with something mildly romantic, like texting your partner a detailed memory of your first date or first kiss. If you are really feeling wild, you could even text your partner about what you might like to do to them later. That would really knock them off their feet!

This brings me to my next tip; implement the You Go First Principle in your relationship. When you want something to change in your relationship, be the one to make the first move. For example, if you are unhappy with the passion and connection in your relationship, try sending one of the texts that I suggested above to begin changing the nature of your communication with your partner.

Many people are not successful in the You Go First arena. Here’s why. As a Mompreneur, I am guessing you often come in contact with potential referral partners? When you meet someone that you think could be a good connection for your business, do you contact them once and then give up? No! Persistence pays. All good marketing and sales execs will tell you that your chances of making a sale increase significantly after you have made five connections with a potential consumer. So, the secret to the You Go First Principle is to be persistent! If you try something new with your partner and you don’t get a response immediately, don’t give up!

My final suggestion is a real quickie.

As I mentioned above, most of us have the greatest opportunity to spend time with our partner at night. Sadly, we often don’t take this opportunity. Sometimes we don’t take the time because we still have things on our to-do list or maybe we just had a rough day and don’t feel like putting forth the effort to connect.

The key to setting the tone for a great night with your partner (the kind of night where you just can’t wait until the kids go to bed so that you can be alone!) is connecting immediately when you come home together at the end of the day. There is a huge window of opportunity to connect with your partner during this transition at the end of the day. Here’s my suggestion: No matter What You Are Doing, stop everything and take Five minutes to Greet Your Partner and connect with them.

I have heard every excuse in the book as to why this is not possible. So, let me just tell you right now, you don’t have time to NOT nurture your relationship and your connection with your partner. Divorce is way too expensive. In order to be able to have this 5 minute window with your partner, you may have to explain to your kids that this is Mommy and Daddy time. Prioritize your relationship with your partner. The key to a happy family is that the parents are connected and on the same page.

I hope these tips were helpful! Feel free to get in touch if you have questions or need more tips.